my dreams

THE ROOM (extracted from a forwarded email)

2006-09-27T02:44:00.000+08:00

17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a class. The subject was what Heaven was like.
"I wowed 'em," he later told his father, Bruce. "It's a killer. It's the bomb. It's the best thing I ever wrote.." It also was the last.

Brian's parents had forgotten about the essay when a cousin found it while cleaning out the teenager's locker at Teary Valley High School Brian had been dead only hours, but his parents desperately wanted every piece of his life near them-notes from classmates and teachers, his homework.

Only two months before, he had handwritten the essay about encountering Jesus in a file room full of cards detailing every moment of the teen's life.. But it was only after Brian's death that Beth and Bruce Moore realized that their son had described his view of heaven.

"It makes such an impact that people want to share it. You feel like you are there." Mr. Moore said.

Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted.

The Moores framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family portraits in the living room. "I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of it," Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life after death. "I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know I'll see him."

Brian's Essay: The Room...
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings.

As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system
for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big
and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder
and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began
randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought
joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed." The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright
weird "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I have Given," "Jokes I Have Laughed at." Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've yelled at my brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.

Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have watched", I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, ashamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content.

I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to
destroy them!" In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it.. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came.

I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.

No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.

He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished." I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
-Philippians 4:13

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."

BBQ!!

2006-09-02T02:57:00.000+08:00

i tell you.. i'm so gonna fall sick tml. the amount of chicken wings we ate is almost impossible to imagine. (the amount of burnt parts too =X)

hmm.. it was seriously awsome, really saw how blur some army ppl can be (wont say who). He didnt know so much about BBQ and was a little high when GZ introduced Linda!!! (correct JIEMING?) haha. tml meet me at church 9am for counselling ah! =P

The food we bought was a lacking in variety, primarily because we have myself, jieming and victor there. Samz has a weird stomach,... doesnt seem to eat much. haha.. So in the middle of BBQ, we had to go out to purchase extra varieties. gotta understand us la, all not working, so budget low, gotta control mar, unlike JM, waste taxpayer's pay.. haha!

We played ice-breaker(animal game by HJ), and the forfeit was to both(Jas and JM) to stand in the middle of the pool, with JM singing a love song for her! lol.. (will include pics nxt time). we had 2 of Joy's fwens coming, Jas's cousin Joyceline (Christian visiting), Guizhen's cousin (Linda) and lastly KSS 2004 4A fwen, Zhan xian! lol, had a great time seeing how silly we are, laughing at our silly actions. though we didnt have lots of new comers and though we might not have them coming tml, we sure bonded even closer. events from this BBQ will sure be a memorial one, firstly being our first BBQ as a cell (hard to believe when have so many pigs and even charcoal in the cell rite? =P) also having JM and jas to do a very entertaining forfeit!

Guys, do drink lots of water when you reach home! i'll be really guilty to find 3/4 of the cell falling sick tml. and worst of all, everyone having sore throat and cant sing during PnW. haha!!! btw, sorry about the message i sent ah... 12pm for PnW.. haha. too tired la, mad already. Whoever is gonna tag tonight, i strongly urge you to sleep!!! cos i'm tired.. *yawns*

Only He knows

2006-08-23T04:54:00.000+08:00

Only He knows
The time i can wait
The heart that aches
The reason why

Only He knows
The prayers i pray
The dreams i dream
The wishes i wish

Only He knows
How much it is
How deep it is
How serious it is

3 years and lesser every second
Only He knows.

signs of online gaming addiction

2006-06-04T01:40:00.000+08:00

Inability to stop the activity

Neglect family and friends

Lying to employers and family about activities

Problems with school and job

Carpel tunnel syndrome

Dry eyes

Failure to attend to personal hygiene

Sleep disturbances or changes in sleep patterns

Feeling empty, depressed, irritable when not at the computer

Craving more and more time at the computer

Skip appointments, miss classes, miss days of work

Deny addiction to MMORPG (Mass multiplayer online role playing game) yet feel the need to play

Feel stronger emotions while online than in real lifeFeel intense joy, relaxations after stealing, looting, killing another character?

dreams...

2006-05-13T00:55:00.000+08:00

been dreaming alot lately.. haha.
went to see dad with mom and sis in the morning. its been 6 years... so fast... cant believe it. aniway, went to lot one to have lunch. bought some stuff... for tomorrow's usage.. muahahaha. its for someone's burfdae! happy sweet 16th birthdae sam! =)

well.. recently been busy with lots of project. timetable in school has been really tiring. though there isnt much, a little slacker than last sem, but its more tiring... my promise to God, really seem so hard to keep. to keep a promise means even though its impossible to break them, you are not to do anything againse the agreement.. tough, but worth it. As God says, He has plans =)

i dont really know what to write... hahas. but a million apologies to all who have been waitin and faithfully come to this blog for a peek or two... so sorry for the zillion years of late entry..

I Believe - Zoegirl

2006-03-16T04:54:00.000+08:00

I used to close my eyes and pray the time would pass me by
So I could fly away in my dreams to anywhere unreal
And I'd hide away from everything
I didn't know what was real, I didn't know the truth
There was a day when somebody introduced me to You
And You breathed Your life in me
You set me free...

Chorus:
Now I'll shout it from a mountain
That I'm not the same that I used to be
I believe in God, believe in God
I'm not ashamed to talk about it
To a world that slowly slips away
That I believe in God, believe in God
Now at the end of the day when nothing seems to go my way
I've got a friend, I've got a life that's never gonna let me go
Since You gave Your life for me
You set me free...

Chorus

Oh, when I feel so alone
He comes to sweetly say
It's all gonna be okay
Oh, when my emotions flow
He comes to sweetly say
It's all gonna be okay

Chorus

reply to taggies

2006-03-16T04:49:00.000+08:00

hahaha.. so sorry long time no use blog...

gladys - yeah... updating now.. haha finally =)
weiwei - must have faith.. cannot just delete de. =P
nu-errr - waa really or not.. everytime bully me
micbay - see! i'm updating
wanzi - late reply... ice breaker was great! jia you! learn from every opportunity you can =)
eve - yeah... in my links!!! i try to add everyone.. haha!
daphne - yes aunty
peijun - ur tags ah.. just to tell me u are here.. piak you!
theodore - this must be behnd the scenes.. cannot post in public.. haha contact me thru msn

hahaha

2006-01-14T01:14:00.000+08:00

hmhmm
determined to do up webbie by latest 20 January 2006.. pray hard!
http://67.15.58.61/~youthim

busy

2006-01-02T01:48:00.000+08:00

so sorry guys... been really busy with things to blog... currently doing some changes to my blog... come back in two weeks time to see the changes ya? lots more new things to see! sorry for the inconvenience guys! cherio..

sick

2005-12-23T00:38:00.000+08:00

waaa woke up this mornin, bad sore-throat, cough and flu... sigh* super restless, tired...
was trying to talk, but cant talk clearly.. so sad. i bathed, changed clothes, went to school.. first thing i did, was to sms friends to pray for me.. lol. cos Christmas Bash comin ma, den need alertness to do PA, so cannot be sick...

when i reached skool, recieved an early christmas present from daphne.. so sweet of her! got a candy bag, finished all by second lesson.. haha! really *slurp*! thanks!!!
todae after EF computer lab, we went to the lecture. shida came in, told sue, "something bad happen" sue was already expecting it, "dont tell me!" shida jsut nodded her head. what the whole "gang" did was rushed out to see wilfred... and NO its not someone died, or accident.. its wilfred's christmas gift to the girl he likes. he baked cookies, den placed in a jar for the girl. who knows, teh jar broke in his bag.. so me, eugene, kuan rui, dylan, jonathan went to look for a container or a jar to placed teh gift. we were really very desperate for it la, cos wilfred really like that girl alot, den prepared teh gift for a long time, so we dont wan to let his efforts go to waste ma.. in the end, we bought a box and 2 coloured paper, using the color paper as base, we put the cookies in and covered teh box, finished with a ribbon on it. lol, looked good though.. haha! when he gave it to her, he was shy shy, den cos he is so TALL, it look reall funnie, like a giant giving a dwaff a present.. haha!

sick sick sick... ahh.. now very dizzy while tying all these.. the medication is working le, (side effects are drowsiness) goodness... saturdae will not eat medication.. scared sleep. everyone continue to pray for Christmas Bash!!! looking forward to a break through... (suddenly sound like kranji secondary... always break through this, break through that... lolx)

aniwae, tomorrow final rehearsal... everyone break a leg! full dress, lightings, sound, people.. all jia you! going to muen's place in the morning to get 9V batteries for teh wireless mikes! wow..
everything is going to be awesome! Looking forward to seeing many souls come to Christ... haha!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

daphne - really love the sweets! really wonderful of you! =) thanx!!!!

sure-rieeee - serene? hmhmm, yeah, PRAY for many to come to Christ! wee~

God's child, mei* - estee ah... hahaaaz!~ thanx! love you lots =D

Cynthia - thankx! will link, will link de

llamalamer - wa.. really "original" tag...

nu-er - yup, more you practice, the better you get. but nothing can be achieved without God's grace too! amen? heez!

wp - yes la, graffitti.. you wanna come? and dont worry, wont put _ _ _ _ _ _ _'s name there de... =Pp

rehersal...

2005-12-21T18:00:00.000+08:00

doing christmas bash rehersal todae... gotten more familiar with the lights le! muahahaaa... everything is falling into place... those who have prayed, thank you so very much! and continue to pray! pray for revival on saturdae!!!

PRAY PRAY PRAY!!!

God is faithful eh? really love Him lots, been super duper faithful to all of us..

btw, me, rico, luwei, guizhen and weiwei going to Level One next week during holidae to do a little grafiti! haha! the wall where they paint and scribble, we going to paint our Lord's name there! for the whole world to see and realise what He has done... unconditionally... for them.

VOTE!

2005-12-21T01:18:00.000+08:00

http://www.freeblogpoll.com/view_poll.php?poll_id=23324

christmas bash

2005-12-21T00:07:00.000+08:00

hahaz... christmas bash is coming! weee... expecting close to 400 ppl coming! meanwhile, preparations are hectic, lots of last minute things, so a little messy. i'm asked to do lightings... and they are really kinda bad, very messy cos they changed the lightings for the sunday service for christmas. praying hard for permission to change their permission.. muahaha. cant help it, high expectations for stage arts. den teh curtains... waaa! can die ah! sometimes they dont open! so stage right will open, stage left will remain close.. its like short circuit liddat. can die ah! move so slow... imagine RICO doing everything alone yesterdae! wow... GOD was sure working in him.hmhmm.. guys who read this, please pray that on that day, everything will go smoothly and even if they dont, God's presence and the purpose of the skit will still touch the ppl who are un-saved. amen? amen!~ hahaa

pssst! guess what? i got a warning letter for skipping 2 english tutorials... so dats 4hrs of english. oh well, december always liddat... lots of stuff, but that doesnt give anione an excuse to skip classes! must be a good testimony! so from today onwards, i've decided not to skip lessons for no approved reasons by the church even if i'm in any committee or not! guys, help me keep this agreement ya? heez

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

weiwei - ya la ya la, first la. hahaz. and i'll check on you so much you think i'm irritating!

yanqi - haha! you're welcome!

jerene - thanks! and amen! God is always there for us!

winnie - thank God for you too sis! =)

daphne - haha...den you don forget to link me wor!

josiah - you link me too la! heeez

nu-er - what you say is true... continue to be in focus! =)

joke rat - so mysterious wor... who u?

Dont pass me by...

2005-12-19T16:25:00.000+08:00

My heart it longs
My soul it thirsts for more
For more of You

I'm reaching out
I'm waiting here for more
For more of You

Cause all
I want is You
And all I need
Is to be here with You

I'm hungry
For Your fire
I'm desperate
Your my one desire
Jesus
Please don't pass me by

Cause I need You
More than ever
I'm thirsty
For a touch from heaven
Jesus
Please don't pass me by

Don't pass me by
I'm desperate for You

2005-12-19T03:05:00.000+08:00

Pastor Dave

DAVID tribe!

My team!

2005-12-19T03:01:00.000+08:00

my YI camp team!

perservere!

2005-12-19T02:39:00.000+08:00

During SNL.. was very awsome! the sermon really struck me alot. topic was on "lasting transformation" by Pastor Dave from Youth Alive Australia.. same speaker from the youth camp.. weeee
If we wanna be transformed :
1) We must trust our creator
2) We must be who God wants us to be
3) Believe we are more powerful than we look
4) We must stay in unity
- PHD (Perserverence, Honesty and Devotion)

i find that the sermon really struck lots of us alot. especially on perserverence. we give up too easily, often loosing the war that God has won for us. Should continue to fight, continue to pray against the devil and his plans.

its really amazing how God has touched my life, how He has spoken to me... eg, after missions, its on focus. after YI camp, its on how to stay focused.. everything just falls into place... All praise to God!!!! well, upcoming christmas bash... 25 dec. been asked to be the Video Mixer, meaning sit down there beside the video director and give cue and instructions to the camera man... hmhmm sounds really interesting. this year end will have a camp in NYP.. something about being a leader. really love what God has installed for me. Seriously guys, if you think my God is just a Saturday God, think again... He has blessed me beyond what you can imagine! AMEN!